|
|
 |
 |
|
|
Sexual Health Information |
|
|
|
Often, sex does feel good.
But sometimes it doesn't.
Do any of these problems sound familiar?
"My boyfriend is so disappointed that I don't have an orgasm."
"The first time we were together, I didn't know what I was doing."
"Honestly, I don't really feel like it, but he pressures me to. Sometimes I just lie there to get it over with."
"I worry I might get pregnant or get some disease."
"I just don't get wet and it makes me feel bad."
"I have a boyfriend, but I am really attracted to this other girl at school."
"I can't relax."
"Having sex" means different things to different people. The following information is about vaginal intercourse (penis in vagina). A lot of people enjoy oral sex (mouth on genitals) and anal sex (penis in anus). Information about that is not included here.
Sex is more than just doing it
Sex is a way of communicating. When you communicate well, you use more than your mouth. You use your eyes, your face, your hands - your whole body. Sex with another person can be like that: you use your whole body to explore theirs. Communication is a two-way street, which includes what feels good to you and to the other person. How do you say what feels good - and what doesn't? Talking about sex is not always easy. But before you figure out how to talk about it, maybe you can start by learning a little more about your own body.
Finding out what feels good
The largest organ in the human body is the skin. It can be pleasurable to touch and be touched all over. Stroking, rubbing, light caresses and passionate holding can all give pleasure.
The lips and tongue are very sensitive. Using the mouth all over the body can be sensual and exciting. Everyone has their own favourite spots.
The most sensitive part of a woman's genitals is her clitoris. The clitoris is the small bump at the top of the vulva. Many women like gentle stroking; but others prefer more pressure on the clitoris. For some women, direct touching is uncomfortable. Why not experiment with different types of touch, both on your own and with your partner?
What is an orgasm?
The clitoris has an important role in orgasm. Most women who have sex with men don't have orgasm from intercourse alone. They have orgasm more easily - and enjoy intercourse more - when the clitoris is touched before or while the penis is inside the vagina. Many women learn to come to orgasm alone through masturbation (self-pleasuring). Then, they may be able to tell their partner what feels good. Fantasizing about images or activities that they find exciting can also help. Some women enjoy intercourse without having orgasm.
Usually, if a woman is excited, her vagina gets wet and slippery. A woman's vagina has to be wet for her partner's penis to slide in easily. Otherwise, intercourse could be uncomfortable for both people.
When a woman feels nervous, guilty or afraid, her vagina might not lubricate or it may even tighten up. This can make intercourse difficult or even impossible. If intercourse goes on for a long time, some women "dry up".
Sometimes there seems to be no good explanation for not lubricating enough. You can use some water-based lubricant if you want to increase your pleasure and comfort.
Find your G-Spot
Although the vagina does not have a lot of sensation, there is an area that can respond to stimulation. Located inside the front of the vagina is something called the G-Spot.
You can try to find it with your hand (fingers down) against the vulva and the middle finger curved up inside the vagina. A woman's sexual excitement can be increased if gentle pressure is applied to this area; for example, by a finger. Sometimes the angle that the penis enters stimulates the G-spot and brings the woman to orgasm. You may want to experiment with different positions.
Making sex more enjoyable
"We agreed to use condoms for three months and then get tested before I went on the Pill."
"It used to hurt because we rushed. Now we play around more at the start until we're sure my vagina is really wet. I keep a little tube of lubricant handy to keep the condom from breaking."
"I was sexually abused as a child and that still affects me now. I go to counselling for support and to figure out how to enjoy being sexual."
"We don't always have intercourse. Sometimes, we kiss and touch for hours. I come more easily with oral sex anyway."
"I used to go along with stuff I didn't like because I was afraid he would take it personally if I told him to stop. But I'm getting better at showing him what makes me feel good."
Need more information?
Sexual health clinic counsellors can talk with you about making sex more enjoyable. Their services are confidential and they are comfortable answering all types of questions.
Call the AIDS and Sexual Health InfoLine at 416-392-2437.
If you think you're attracted to women, or you have questions about gender issues, talk to someone from the Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Youth line at
416-962-9688 or email info@youthline.ca
If you have had a confusing or forced sexual experience in the past, you can get counselling. It can take time to heal emotionally. For referrals, call the Teen Sex InfoLine at 416-961-3200 or message them at spiderbytes@hotmail.com or call the Community Information Toronto at 211.
Here are some books you can read. They are available in bookstores or through your public library.
All the Way - Sex for the First Time,
Kim Martyn, Sumach Press, Toronto, 2003
The Sex Book,
Jane Pavanel, Lobster Press, 2001
Sex for One: the Joy of Selfloving,
Betty Dobson, New York, Crown Publishing Group, 1992
|
|
|
