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• Visiting residents with dementia brochure (PDF 81 Kb)

Tips for visiting

Communicating with a person with a dementia illness can be a terribly difficult and emotionally overwhelming activity. Often, the "person behind the dementia" is the person you love and remember and it is hard to understand or accept the behaviours that you are seeing now. However, some simple "tips and tools" will help you have more successful visits with your loved one and will ease their anxiety.

Often, in the early stages of dementia, people have a hard time finding the right words to express their thoughts – or may be unable to remember the meaning of simple words or phrases. The later stages may be much more difficult – language skills may be quite impaired, resulting in nonsensical or garbled statement that are hard for you to understand. When your loved one cannot comprehend what is being said or cannot find the words to express their own thoughts, it can be painful, frustrating and embarrassing for everyone. Try these approaches to set the tone and improve communication:

Try smiling! People with dementia are often extremely aware of non-verbal signals such as facial expression, body tension and mood. If you are tense or a bit "bossy", your loved one is likely to become resistive, anxious or annoyed. Are you prone to frowning? Make a concerted effort to smile before you start your visit.

Try a calm, gentle approach. You set the mood for the interaction – your warm smile and relaxed manner will put your loved one at ease and will help achieve a positive visit. Often, it is contagious and your loved one will be happier too.

Go at his pace. People with dementia often need more time than us to respond. Use slow, gentle motions. Approach your loved one from the front before speaking. Make sure that you have their attention — use gentle touch. Give as much time to respond as needed.

Begin conversations socially. Winning your loved one's trust can make a task much simpler. When approaching, spend a few minutes chatting about the weather, a familiar family member - or find a way to acknowledge your loved one, e.g. "that's a lovely purse you are holding" or give a sincere compliment: e.g. "Your dress is a very nice colour." Then invite your loved one to come with you or engage in whatever task you need to get done...and remember to use a quiet voice and lots of smiles.

Give instructions one at a time. Rather than saying "come and have lunch – what do you want – are you hungry?" which is too much information for your loved one to absorb, try saying: "it's time for lunch!" (with enthusiasm); bring your loved one to the table; pat the chair to provide a physical cue to sit down.

Use hugs and a gentle touch. Sometimes a hug or a gentle touch can show that you care, even when words are not being understood.

Use loving words. Say thank you and offer praise sincerely. We all like to know that we are appreciated.

Use pampering. We all like to be pampered – try a hand, shoulder or temple massage. Look through a picture book with your loved one, talking about memories. Explore a "treasure box" together. Give a manicure – put on make-up - comb her hair – do all of the things that you like for yourself!

Remember – he is responding to you. When your loved one behaves in a way that you are unaccustomed to, remember that he is simply responding to things in the environment that he does not recognize or understand. The more "familiar" you can make the visit and the environment, the more relaxed your family member will be.

If you are having trouble... Ask for help – do not hesitate to ask staff for ideas – we are all learning about your loved one together. Staff may be able to tell you about an approach that worked last evening that might help today!

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