Temper Tantrums

Common Triggers of Temper Tantrums

Children may have a tantrum because they:

• Feel frustrated and don’t know how to say it
• Want to do something but can’t
• Have been asked to do something they don’t want to
• Feel angry, stressed, or overwhelmed
• Are tired, hungry, overstimulated, or not feeling well
• Are struggling with a task that feels too hard
• Don’t have the words to express big emotions
• Are learning that a tantrum sometimes leads to rewards
• Want attention

What to Do When Your Child Has a Temper Tantrum

During a Temper Tantrum

• Stay calm. Remember, it’s normal for children to try out new behaviours.
• Don’t argue with your child.
• Help your child calm down using self-soothing ideas. For example, pretend you’re blowing out candles or blowing up a balloon together.
• Acknowledge your child’s feelings. Let them know you understand.
• Stop what you’re doing and move close to your child.
• Calmly tell them which behaviour needs to stop and what to do instead. For example, “Stop throwing your toys, use your words” or “Stop yelling. Use your inside voice”.
• Explain why the behaviour is not okay.
• Don’t give in to your child’s demands.
• Keep your child safe. Prevent them from hurting themselves, others, or breaking things.
• Try to distract your child and redirect their attention to another activity.

After a Temper Tantrum

• Stay calm.
• Show your child love and support.
• Remove what caused the tantrum, if possible.
• Offer your child a, quiet and easy activity to help them settle.
• Praise your child when they behave well to encourage positive behaviour.
• Praise your child’s efforts to calm down.
• Reflect on what triggered the tantrum and adjust your routine or expectations, if needed.
• Notice and talk about when your child handles big feelings well.

Positive Parenting Strategies for Temper Tantrums

Use Calming Strategies

• Teach your child ways to calm down when upset, and practice them together (e.g. counting, deep breathing, hand squeezes, use of a calming place, positive self-talk).
• Encourage your child to use these strategies during a tantrum

Have a Time-In

• Stay calm when your child is upset.
• Invite your child to talk about what is happening.
• Comfort your child and help them feel safe.
• Ask your child how they are feeling and listen carefully.
• Let your child know their feelings are normal.
• Explain why the behaviour is not okay.
• Work together to find a better way to handle the problem or express their emotions.

Distract and Redirect

• Introduce a new activity or object to your child to switch their focus.
• Use a favorite toy or game that they enjoy.
• Encourage physical activity like jumping, dancing, or a short walk to release energy.
• Move to a different room or area to help stop the tantrum.
• Sing a song or read a short story to capture their attention and change their mood.

Selective Attention

• Pay attention when your child is behaving well.
• Try not to react to small misbehaviours (like asking the same thing over and over).
• If your child is not hurting anyone or breaking things, it’s okay to ignore the behaviour until they calm down. This helps them learn that tantrums don’t get attention.
• Look for good behaviour and give praise when you see it. This helps your child learn what behaviour is okay.

Give Choices

• Offering choices helps your child feel in control.
• Give your child a few choices that you are okay with (e.g. “Do you want to wear your white shirt or blue shirt?”).
• Let your child choose the order of tasks (e.g., “Do you want to brush your teeth first or put on pajamas first?”).
• Offer choices for snacks or activities to encourage decision-making.
• Give small choices instead of big ones so they don’t get overwhelmed.
• Praise your child for making a choice, even if it’s a small one.

Support Your Child’s Problem Solving Abilities

• Help your child think about the problem they are having.
• Ask them what they could do to try and fix it.
• Talk about what might happen with each choice.
• Help them pick a good option.

 

Tips to Prevent or Minimize Temper Tantrums

• Set simple family rules about what behaviour is okay (e.g. using a calm voice to ask for things).
• Be a role model by using polite language and a calm tone.
• Help your child use words to say how they feel.
• Learn your child’s patterns and what may trigger a tantrum.
• Avoid going out when your child is tired or hungry.
• Always bring a snack when you go out.
• Talk with your child while you shop and run errands.
• Include your child in what you’re doing and let them help with small tasks.
• Keep regular times for meals, naps and bedtime.
• Put away things that you don’t want your child to touch.
• Give your child simple choices (like what to wear or eat).
• Let your child know ahead of time when things will change.

When to Get Help

Talk to your doctor or health care provider if:

• Your child has a lot of tantrums, and they don’t get better over time.
• The tantrums are very strong and happen almost every day.
• Your child hurts themselves or others during a tantrum.
• The tantrums make it hard for your child to play, learn, or be with others.