Positive parenting is how you guide and teach your child in a way that helps them to learn self-control, be independent and respect themselves and others. It means building a strong, loving relationship with your child and helping them feel safe, secure and loved. It considers the child’s age and developmental stage, as well as their unique temperament. It does not involve spanking, pain, fear, shame or ridicule. When you respond to your child’s challenging behaviours in a way that is loving, firm, reasonable and consistent, it will strengthen your parent-child relationship and be a good role model for your child.
There are a wide variety of strategies are used in positive parenting. Every family is different. Choose strategies that work for you.
Nobody's Perfect - Make it Easy for Your Child to Behave Well
These Nobody’s Perfect tip sheets are full of information and activities for you and your young children.
These tips can help you guide your child’s behaviour, support their emotions and build a strong, healthy relationship.
Make time during your everyday tasks to show love and attention to your child.
Before asking your child to do something, give a short reason. Focus on what they can do, and not what they cannot do. Use simple words.
For example: “I know you like jumping on the couch. It’s not safe. Let’s jump on the floor instead.”
Divide tasks into small steps. Help them do one step at a time. Celebrate each step when they finish it.
For example: “First put your toys in the box. Then we’ll put the box on the shelf.”
Give your child encouragement, help, and useful tips as they complete a task.
For example: “Try putting the big blocks on the bottom first. You’re doing great!”
Think ahead to avoid problems. By planning, you can avoid situations that may lead to difficult behaviour.
For example, go shopping when you and your child are rested and have eaten. This helps prevent tantrums and stress.
Change can be difficult for children. Prepare them by telling them what is going to happen next.
For example: “Two more times on the slide, then we will leave the park.“
Praise teaches your child what you want them to do and helps them feel good about themselves. Watch for times when your child behaves well. Say what they did right. This makes it more likely that they will do it again.
For example, “You put your toys away! Great job!”
Add a little reward to your praise, like an extra book at bedtime or a trip to the park. Use first/then statements.
For example: “First pick up your toys, then we’ll go to the park.”
Focus your attention on what your child does right, not the small things they do wrong. Don’t give attention to small misbehaviours that don’t hurt anyone or break anything (like asking for something again after you already said no). Instead, watch for good behaviour and give attention there.
For example: “Thank you for playing quietly.” “I like how you are sharing your toys.”
Introduce something new to your child to switch their focus.
Be consistent and follow the same rules every time. Do what you say you will do. When you are consistent, your child learns what to expect.
Consequence should:
For example:
Teach your child ways to calm down when they are upset., Practice them together at times when they are not upset
For example:
When your child is having a difficult moment:
Choices give your child a sense of control. Allow your child to pick between a few options that are all acceptable to you.
For example, “Do you want to wear your white shirt or blue shirt?”
When your child has a challenge, stay calm and help them think. Talk about different ideas and what might happen. Work together to choose the best idea.
Children start to understand limits after age one.. Limits and rules can help your child learn what is okay and what is not. Limits should be simple, clear and the same every time. Limits will change as your child grows. Know what is normal for your child’s age. This will help you to have realistic expectations of your child’s behaviour.
Children learn by watching you. Let your child see you doing the things that you want your child to do (e.g. eating vegetables, brushing teeth, being polite to others, staying calm and respectful).
Children learn best when they have consistent and predictable daily routines such as meals and snacks, waking up, bedtime, or picking up toys after playing. Routines can help your child know what to expect. They create a safe and supportive environment fand promote healthy social and emotional development.
Ask your child to help create family rules that apply to everyone in the home and review them regularly.
Creating a safe environment for your child to explore will make parenting easier and reduce the number of times you need to say “no”. Put away things that your child is not allowed to touch. Create safe places for your child to play.
There may be times when you may feel overwhelmed and nothing seems to work:
Spanking is not discipline. It is physical punishment and hitting can hurt your child physically, emotionally and socially.
Learn more on our Coping with Parenting Stress page.