Understanding Temperament in Children

Every child is born with a unique temperament — their natural way of responding to the world. Temperament shapes how a child behaves, shows emotions and handles change. Temperament is not something you create or control, but what matters most is how you respond to it.

Temperament is your child’s behavioral style – how they react to situations, express emotions and manage stress. These traits are present from birth and are not the result of parenting choices.

Understanding temperament helps you better understand your child’s behaviour and respond in a sensitive way.

For example, it explains why one child may be excited by new things while another feels anxious, or why some babies cry often while others are calmer and quieter.

Every child has a unique temperament made up of nine traits. Each trait falls on a range — from high to low — and together they shape how your child responds to the world. These traits aren’t “good” or “bad”; they simply describe your child’s natural style. Knowing about them can help you understand your child’s behavior and respond in ways that support their growth.

The Nine Traits

  1. Activity Level – how much your child moves and how active they are
  2. Regularity (Rhythmicity) – how regular your child’s eating, sleeping and daily routines are
  3. Distractibility – how easily your child’s attention is pulled away from what they are doing
  4. Approach or Withdrawal – how your child reacts to new people, places or experiences
  5. Adaptability – how easily your child adjusts to changes
  6. Attention Span and Persistence – how long your child stays focused and keeps trying
  7. Intensity of Reaction – how strong your child’s emotional responses are – happy, sad or upset
  8. Sensitivity – how aware your child is of sounds, textures, tastes or changes in their environment
  9. Mood – your child’s usual mood – mostly positive and cheerful or more serious and negative

Temperament is often grouped into three main types:

Flexible (Easy)

  • About 40% of children are flexible.
  • These children adapt easily, have fewer regular routines, react mildly and are mostly happy.

Spirited (Feisty or Difficult)

  • About 10% of children are spirited.
  • These children react strongly, have fewer regular routines and may seem more upset or cry often. They don’t like change.
  • The word “difficult” is often used to describe these children but “spirited” or “feisty” better shows their strengths like being persistent and confident.

Slow to Warm Up (Cautious)

  • 5–15% of children are slow to warm up or cautious.
  • These children may withdraw from new situations, move less and seem more serious.
  • They need extra time and gentle encouragement to feel comfortable.

About 40% of children don’t fit into only one category — they show a mix of traits.

“Goodness of fit” means how well your child’s temperament matches their environment — especially your parenting style and expectations.

A good fit happens when:

  • You change your approach to meet your child’s needs
  • You plan ahead for things that might be hard
  • You show love and accept your child for who they are

A good fit doesn’t mean you and your child have the same temperament. It means you are flexible and respond to what your child needs.

For example:

  • If your child is highly active, you might bring toys or activities for times when they have to wait.
  • If your child is shy or cautious, you might stay close during new experiences so they feel safe.

Just like children, parents have their own temperament. You may be quiet or loud, sensitive or strong, calm or full of energy. Your temperament might be like your child’s – or very different.

Understanding your own temperament helps you see how it fits with your child’s.  It also helps you adjust your parenting style to support them.

Tips for a good fit:

  • Be open and flexible
  • Adjust your expectations to match your child’s style and needs
  • Accept your child and respond in a positive way
  • Think about your own temperament and caregiving style

Remember: You can’t change your child’s temperament, but you can change how you respond to help them thrive.

To support your child’s temperament:

  • Change your expectations when needed
  • Notice what is the same and what is different between you and your child
  • Reflect on your own temperament
  • Plan ahead for times of the day that might be hard
  • Show love, acceptance and respond in a caring way

Temperament is something children are born with and is not caused by parenting. While it can be influenced by the environment, the most important thing is to accept and support your child’s natural way of being.
Date modified: June 1, 2026